Canceled Posts For This Week

30 Apr

Editor’s note: It is with much delight that I will have to cancel some of this week’s posts by the following staff writer’s:

Blogger: Toodles and Muffin
Title: Choosing Your Toddler’s Toys By Race
Editor’s Comments: Borderline offensive. I am afraid if we run this article not only will we lose followers, but will be sued by every minority on the planet. Also I don’t believe that Hindu One Legged Dwarfs is a niche that would require six paragraphs of specialized toy options, nor do I believe any of those toys actually exist.

Blogger: Cooking With Kitty Kitty Kat Kat
Title: Strawberry Pop Tart Crusted Steak With Blueberry Waffle Shrimp Pasta
Editor’s Comments: I understand the need to be creative and different, especially with as many recipe/cooking blogs there are, but fusing dinner and breakfast like this is not only a crime against humanity, but illegal in all the states in the central time zone. Besides sounding totally unappetizing, the wine pairing of Prune Juice Chardonnay makes me a little queezy.

Blogger: The Angry Peanut Farmer
Title: I’m Angry About Peanuts
Editor’s Comments: This is the tenth article on angry Peanut Farming. This blog has 5 followers and I’m pretty sure 3 of them are not even real, but are actually minor characters from the old Bugs Bunny Show. I actually recommending dissolving this blog and finding a new angry ranter. You know, someone who is angry about missing socks, red lights, and Thursday Night Football.

Blogger: Christopher De Voss (The Zombie Journals)
Title: Interviews From The Mime Convention
Editor’s Comments: I get it. Handing in 14 blank pages because you interviewed mimes may seem funny, but is unpublishable…and lazy. Your about 10 seconds away from joining the Angry Peanut Farmer.

Blogger: Life With Grandma’s New Hip Replacement
Title: Cute Adult Diaper Stories
Editor’s Comments: Didn’t read it. Not going to read it. Not going to approve it for publishing. I would actually like a family Blogger on staff under the age of 80…and with an actual family.

Blogger: Single And Lovin’ It!
Title: Just Knock On My Door, If You’re Breathing I’ll Marry You
Editor’s Comments: I think your missing the point of writing a woman’s single column with this one here. I realize, through your resent posts: My Eggs Are Dropping, Someone, Anyone, Please Fertilize Me and Anyone Know If There Is A Male Order Husband Service, Preferably One Where They Don’t Know English At All; that you might be a tad over the single life. However, this post was unreadable and writing 76 frowny faces does not really count as writing at all. 😦

I expect better next week.

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6 Responses to “Canceled Posts For This Week”

  1. Creative Donkey April 30, 2012 at 9:17 AM #

    🙂

  2. Dotty Headbanger April 30, 2012 at 1:51 PM #

    Dear Chris,

    I was looking forward to the ‘Just Knock On My Door’ post. 😦

    Love Dotty xxx

    • chrisdevoss April 30, 2012 at 11:26 PM #

      I think we all were…

  3. devilsaardvark May 3, 2012 at 11:06 AM #

    Underestimate the power of the Hindu One-Legged Dwarf lobby at your peril Chris!

    • chrisdevoss May 3, 2012 at 11:09 AM #

      Words of wisdom my friend.

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