Jonathon’s True Love And The Three Magical Chickens

12 Mar

Once upon a time there lived a man named Jonathon. Jonathon lived with his True Love of 6 months and a dog named Oyster.

One day Jonathon’s True Love said that she wasn’t his True Love anymore. This made Jonathon very sad. So he wondered the Earth to find a way to win back his True Love.

Shortly, actually less than a mile, Jonathon stumbled upon a farm. But this was no ordinary farm, this was a special secret farm, that grew a special secret crop. No police officer or government agency was ever suppose to know about this special secret farm.

Jonathon decided to see if he could find some guidance on this special secret farm.

Well the next 12 hours or so were suddenly a blur to Jonathon, but he found himself lying face down in the chicken coop. Jonathon pushed himself up on one elbow and saw the three most beautiful, most majestic, most Magical Chickens….ever.

“Oh, three most beautiful, most majestic, most Magical Chickens….ever,” Jonathon began. “Would you grant me three wishes so that I may win my True Love back?”

The biggest of the chickens laughed. “We are not Magical Chickens. I’m so sorry. We can not grant you any wishes or help you win your True Love back.”

Jonathon replied, “But your talking! You must be Magical!”

“We are actually not talking. You just think we are talking because of whatever strange trip your still experiencing from your night of booze, pot, and prescription drugs. In reality we are just doing that bobbing head thing that we do and pecking the ground occasionally,” the chicken replied in a soothing voice.

Jonathon began to cry.

“How will I get my True Love back now?”

The smallest of the three chickens spoke up, “You can’t. Your True Love is a whore.”

So Jonathon broke it’s neck and ate it raw right there and then. The other chickens ran in fear.

And the moral of the story: I’m not good at writing inspirational fables.

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2 Responses to “Jonathon’s True Love And The Three Magical Chickens”

  1. pelicanfreak March 12, 2012 at 2:18 PM #

    I found it to be pretty inspirational; moral of the story, someone upsets you, snap their neck!

    • chrisdevoss March 13, 2012 at 12:02 AM #

      Well, there you go. I’m a genius and I didn’t even know it.

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