Really Bad Odes To Valentine’s Day

 

Roses are red

Violence is everywhere

I’ll always love you

Unless your leg gets blown off

(Because I’m shallow and I don’t want to date a chick with one leg)

(But…that might be cool because we can get close spots to park and always have a conversation starter when meeting other couples.)

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How do I love thee? Let me Google the ways…

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A Love Sonnet

I love you, like I love the movie American Pie

I would even pause the movie while you are talking

But this one thing, I will not lie

Your best friend on Facebook I am stalking

She posts nice pictures with the duck face

Camera in hand at the bathroom mirror

I will never tell her, that’s not the case

Behind clever Facebook posts, never nearer

Don’t be mad, I bought you flowers

They are fresh and smelly

From the van down the road, for 5 dollars

Here I will put them on top of the Telly (<- British for TV )

Now back to my movie I must watch

One more thing, your sister looks like a sasquatch

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Roses are Red

Why aren’t you naked yet?

 

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