Really Bad Odes To Valentine’s Day

14 Feb
Roses are red
Violence is everywhere
I’ll always love you
Unless your leg gets blown off
(Because I’m shallow and I don’t want to date a chick with one leg)
(But…that might be cool because we can get close spots to park and always have a conversation starter when meeting other couples.)


How do I love thee? Let me Google the ways…


A Love Sonnet

I love you, like I love the movie American Pie
I would even pause the movie while you are talking
But this one thing, I will not lie
Your best friend on Facebook I am stalking
She posts nice pictures with the duck face
Camera in hand at the bathroom mirror
I will never tell her, that’s not the case
Behind clever Facebook posts, never nearer
Don’t be mad, I bought you flowers
They are fresh and smelly
From the van down the road, for 5 dollars
Here I will put them on top of the Telly (<- British for TV )
Now back to my movie I must watch
One more thing, your sister looks like a sasquatch


Roses are Red
Why aren’t you naked yet?


2 Responses to “Really Bad Odes To Valentine’s Day”

  1. RFL February 14, 2012 at 10:01 AM #

    Because I’m shallow and don’t want to date a chick with one leg made me spit coffee out of my nose.

    • chrisdevoss February 14, 2012 at 10:54 AM #

      Sorry, hopefully it wasn’t expensive Starbucks. 😉

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