Outlaw Band: Pill Poppin’ Daddies, Arrested

8 Feb

Copied this from The Orlando Weekly Daily Extra Edition Online:

Outlaw Band Pill Poppin’ Daddies Arrested

After a six year run from the law, the rock band Pill Poppin’ Daddies has finally been found and arrested. The Pill Poppin’ Daddies gain their notoriety and fame due to the fact that every time they played a live concert, at least twenty or more zombies would show up. This, of course, caused mass hysteria and panic, which usually led to several deaths of it’s concert goers and/or stage crew. It is calculated that the Pill Poppin’ Daddies have inadvertently killed over 130 audience members, 100 stage hands, and turned another 300 or so people into zombies.

The Pill Poppin’ Daddies turned public enemy number one when back in 2004 they refused to help the Government. The Government wanted the Daddies to play their music as Army, Navy, and National Zombie Task Force teams killed the in coming zombies. The Daddies refuse to cooperate, stating that they were part of the growing movement entitled: ZHR2 or Zombies Have Rights 2. The ZHR2 group believes that zombies have the same rights as living people, and instead of being killed, they should be sequestered to small country clubs somewhere far from the living population and left alone. This clubs would have all the amenities of real country clubs like tennis, spas, and restaurants, plus a few zombie extras like moaning stations and goat feeding frenzy fields. One such club currently exists somewhere in Idaho and is reported to be a success. Locals however fear that if the zombies ever escaped the country club, their town would be overrun with the creatures. Trevor Fhorn, director of the club, was quoted as saying, “Why would a zombie ever want to leave the country club? It’s like zombie heaven on Earth.” One local man rebutted, “Because they are god damn zombies! They kill and eat people! They don’t play tennis or bowling or get  massages, or whatever else you freaks have them do! They don’t care that Thursdays are jello brain mold night! Kill them all!”

The Daddies have been on the run eluding local Police and Government officials for some time, playing underground concerts for the right price. The Daddies would sometimes earn up to a million dollars per show due to the fact that they could guarantee a zombie invasion once certain notes were played and/or sung. The baffling part is that these songs have been duplicated by other bands to no zombie appearances. Scientists do not know why The Pill Poppin’ Daddies specifically cause zombie sightings. Dr. Richard Sparkling of the Sparkling Institute for Zombie Studies and Gift Shop and his team have been trying to dissect the songs to no avail. (Editor’s note: In sound proof vaults.)

 The Pill Poppin’ Daddies consists of:

  • Darren Dreckle, lead singer and writer of all of the bands music
  • Marcus Dreckle, brother, lead guitar
  • Albert Dreckle, no relation to the Dreckle brothers, just a weird and odd coincidence, drums
  • Curtis Hootie, bass
  • Kilmet Osgood, a Germain outcast, gravikord and theremin.

The Pill Poppin’ Daddies’ biggest single charted in 2006 at number four, and was entitled: I love you even when you’re gassy. Other hits include: I salt you slug and I would have sex with you even if zombies attacked us and you turned into a zombie just no biting games because that would make it awkward.

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