6 O’Clock Zombie

2 Feb

The Zombie Handler stood face to face with the creature. It’s hot, rank, dead breath hit him as he squeezed a soap filled sponge over it’s head. No worries for getting bit, the zombie had no teeth. No worries for being attacked, the zombie was triple bolted to the wall.

That was the Zombie Handler’s job in a nutshell. Make Zombies safe for public viewing.

The Handler was trying to clean the zombie up as best as he dared. Even though it was relatively immobile, stranger things have happened. The Handler had lost a couple friends over the years. This zombie was scheduled to appear on the 6 o’clock news with the famed Dr. Richard Sparkling of the Sparkling Institute for Zombie Studies and Gift Shop. The Handler had no idea what the good Dr. needed a live zombie for, but whatever that gas bag was going to talk about, he was sure it would be pointless and boring and most likely just a disguised infomercial for the gift shop. The Dr. did nothing unless it was for making more money for his gift shop.

The Handler stared into the zombies eyes, it’s “windows to the soul” as the cliche goes. This creature had no soul, and looking into it’s eyes was like looking into two black pools of…deep dark empty. No other way to describe it. No spark, no life, no hopes, no dreams, no past, no furture…no life…only hunger…endless hunger.

The zombie suddenly groaned, breaking the Handler’s trance.

The doctor peeked his head in from around the corner and asked,

“That thing ready for TV?”

“Yup. As much as it will ever be, Doc.”

“Good,” Sparkling said and disappeared.

“You want to go on TV?” the Handler asked the zombie.

The zombie seemed to shake his head no.

Stunned, the Handler paused for a second, and then asked, “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

The zombie nodded it’s head…or at least seemed to…nah, the Handler was just imaging it. He was just temporarily hypnotized by those dead, soulless, evil eyes. Temporarily put into a dream state. Temporarily losing his mind. He supposed if he was ever turned into a zombie he wouldn’t want to be bolted to a wall, with all his teeth pulled out, to be exhibited on TV either. This thing was human once, right?

Was the zombie good person before? Was he a bad person? Did he have a family? Does his family know he is a walking, killing corpse now? Does his family care?

Just because he is a zombie now, does that mean he has no rights? His whole purpose in life now is to kill and eat people…but that’s not his fault.

Is it?

The Handler suddenly didn’t feel like doing this anymore. He felt weird. His head hurt and his mouth was now incredibly dry.

The zombie continued to breath on him and stare.

The Handler felt a little sick to his stomach. Never in the ten years since he has been doing this has he felt this way around any zombies.

And he had been around a lot of zombies.

“Five minutes ’till air!” a voice called from somewhere.

“Good luck Mr. Zombie, you probably would have never been on TV if you were alive,” the Handler said and decided to quit his job. He gathered up his sponge and bucket.

“Two minutes ’till air!” a voice called out again as the Handler walked out the back door leaving the zombie chained to the wall.

“Hey were is the zombie handler? Anyone seen the zombie handler…One minute ’till air. Anyone know what’s going on?!”

Promo For The 6 O’Clock News:

Tonight famed Dr. Richard Sparkling of the Sparkling Institute for Zombie Studies and Gift Shop has suddenly gotten ill and has to reschedule his talk on Zombie Safety while Dining Out, instead Chef Betty Zouble will teach us how to make the perfect nachos using nothing but a clothes iron, a wiffle ball bat, and a pair of fingernail clippers. Should be good!

Stay tuned.


2 Responses to “6 O’Clock Zombie”

  1. Kris February 2, 2012 at 8:43 PM #

    A zombie handler? That would be a hell of a job. Very cool post.

    • chrisdevoss February 2, 2012 at 9:50 PM #

      Most people in vision a zombie apocalypse as the end of the world. I think at first it would be that way, but after that whole new job set would open up: zombie handler, zombie sniper, zombie whisperer,etc…and in the traditional American way, money would be made someway, somehow. 🙂 Thank you for reading.

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