Throw Up Everywhere (Warning: Weak Stomachs May Want To Skip This One)

26 Jan

The Toddler is sick. No big deal to anyone with children. They get sick. They throw up. Happens all the time.

The Toddler comes into my room about 5 am or so and says,

“Daddy, my tummy hurts.”

I groggily reply,

“Sorry, hunny. Crawl into bed with me.”

She does and two seconds later leans over and throws up in my shoes by the bed.

My only shoes.

Needless to say I yell:

“Run to the toilet!”

Which she does…throwing up on the bed, throwing up in my bedroom,  throwing up down the hallway, and  finally throwing up beside the toilet.

Maybe I should have yelled:

“Run to the toilet and throw up in that!”

She is only five after all. I will say I forgive more than the eleven year who is my champion barfer.

This child will barf all over himself with out a care…anywhere…anytime.

No attempt to make it to the toilet. Just drop his head and let the river flow.

One morning I went into his room to wake him for school to see barf all over his floor in a large megaphone shape next to his bed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I wasn’t feeling well. I threw up.” he says.

(Mind you, he has a bathroom attached to his room.)

“Why didn’t you use the toilet?”

He shrugs. “I just threw up and went back to sleep.”

I feel that I would have been justified in selling the child on Craig’s List:

Best Offer, One Eleven Year Old, Weak Stomach, Call Of Duty Expert, Comes with Accessories Call After 5 pm.

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6 Responses to “Throw Up Everywhere (Warning: Weak Stomachs May Want To Skip This One)”

  1. Jennozen January 26, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

    I love that you repeatedly refer to her as, ‘the toddler.’

    • chrisdevoss January 26, 2012 at 2:11 PM #

      To protect her identity. I don’t want any of her toddler friends that may read my blog to make fun of her. 😉

  2. John January 27, 2012 at 8:27 AM #

    My youngest used to get car sick. Just going to the store 2 min away was an adventure sometimes. It once took me 3 trips to get a gallon of milk. She threw up once at the begining of a trip from Virginia to Maine. That smell left when the vehicle was sold. We thought she grew out of it once she reached 4 but at the start of our trip to Disney World, you guessed it. It made the whole magical experience that much better.

    I feel your pain!!!

    • chrisdevoss January 27, 2012 at 8:35 AM #

      For something so gross and painful coming up, it’s amazing how much better we feel after. Another thing that amazes me is how well I can handle my kids throw up. Strangers throw up, no way your on your own…kids throw up, clean, hug, bath…good to go. But in reality throw up is throw up, no matter where it comes from…

  3. BrainRants January 31, 2012 at 5:28 PM #

    This is just epic. You cannot make this stuff up.

    • chrisdevoss January 31, 2012 at 10:31 PM #

      It really is true…except the Craig’s List ad…that is pure dreaming…

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