New Year’s Revolutions…I mean Resolutions

2 Jan

My New Year’s Resolutions for 2012. (Officially over December 21st, 2012 according to the Mayan calendar.)

  • My New Year’s Resolution is to have more topless women in my life…so yeah, same as last year’s…
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to eat all I want and lose weight. No one said these had to be realistic…
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to stop running through the neighbor’s sprinkler naked. I’m sure he will appreciate it, and his dog may stop humping me every time it sees me.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to stop threatening to sell my kids to strangers, especially while we are strolling around the under ground kid slavery market.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to kill more zombie pandas, because they are a mixture of cute and deadly.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to stop, drop, and roll…even if there is no fire.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to quote Tom Petty lyrics to anyone who doesn’t speak English, and for my own amusement I will say it in the voice he sings it in.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to learn to play the Tuba. Unfortunately the only time I have to practice is on the bus ride to work.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is once I do not learn to play the Tuba, I will randomly leave it in different Panera Bread’s across the country.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to learn how to drive a forklift, just for the sake of being able to say, ‘I know how to drive a forklift.’

And that last one I’m serious about…Happy New Year!

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2 Responses to “New Year’s Revolutions…I mean Resolutions”

  1. art January 2, 2012 at 9:01 AM #

    Don’t have to live like a refugee

    • chrisdevoss January 2, 2012 at 9:23 AM #

      Hey, I speak English….poorly….but I speak it!

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