My Simplistic Review Of One Page Of A Children’s Home Child Birth Book

29 Dec

I will admit that I could not think of anything to write about today. Which is bad because in an effort to stop my brain from turning into mush, I challenged myself to try to write something at least four times a week.

Today I spent the better half of an hour staring at a blank WordPress page. Then I got the brilliant idea of downloading comic strips in order to replace the word bubbles with word bubbles of my own. That led nowhere, so I thought maybe old Dick Tracy cartoons would be fun to update.

I couldn’t find any of those, and the ones I found were serialized. They sort of ended nowhere. How was this comic strip even popular anyway? Where people that starved for entertainment back then?

So then I thought old Superman or Batman comics would be more suitable. For some reason while googling images for these, this picture came up:

And me, being a red-blooded American male, with a rather fondness for the female upper half, couldn’t help but think…that is hilarious!

This picture is from a children’s book about home birthing.

Let’s break this picture down a bit shall we:

For one thing you shouldn’t use the word boobies. The word boobies is reserved for jokes about boobies and 8th grade boys sneaking Playboys from their fathers and pointing out boobies in the magazine to each other.

You should have used the word breasts. Much more dignified.

Another thing Mom is walking around completely topless. As much as I am a fan of exposed breasts, Mom could be covered somewhat and still get the point across. I’m thinking Dad is a little controlling and demands Mom be topless at home or she is going to get beat.

The giant “Gulp, Gulp, Gulps” have to go as well. This isn’t beer we are drinking.

I’m sure this is a great book for children to learn all about Mommy popping a kid out of her hey-nanny-nanny in the bath tub at home, but I don’t think I could get through it without laughing and getting dirty looks from my wife.

“You’re so immature! This is a children’s book to learn about not using the facilities available to women to make birthing easier, but instead bringing Mom and child together in a more natural state…like when woman had to give birth in a wheat field while driving the plow pulled by oxen and dodging their poo!”

(That’s me impersonating my wife, who would actually not say any of that except: You’re so immature!)

I tried hard to give this book a far chance by trying to find other pages in the book on the internet, but this seems to be the only one available without actually buying the book. Which if you feel like doing, you can do so here.

On a side note, these disturbing candle holders came up in my searches for other pages. I may not be able to sleep with the lights off tonight.

13 Responses to “My Simplistic Review Of One Page Of A Children’s Home Child Birth Book”

  1. Jessie R. December 29, 2011 at 8:36 PM #

    Those are creepy – and is that image seriously intended for children? That’s pretty messed up for the reasons you said and more.

    • chrisdevoss December 29, 2011 at 9:30 PM #

      Yet it got rave reviews from the author…hey wait a minute!

  2. EmJay December 29, 2011 at 8:43 PM #

    This is so disturbing, and yet, also hilarious.

    And why IS that woman naked? What the heck?
    So funny!

    • Jessie R. December 29, 2011 at 9:25 PM #

      Surprised it doesn’t point out to the little girl, that she also used to suck on her naked mommy just like that (or some other absurd wordage)… maybe that’s on one of the pages you don’t get to see for free? I think we have to get our hands on the rest of it now…

    • chrisdevoss December 29, 2011 at 9:32 PM #

      As a father of four, I don’t remember any of my children gulping at the breast….

  3. Jenn December 29, 2011 at 9:43 PM #

    Those candle holders are freakin disturbing.

    • chrisdevoss December 29, 2011 at 9:49 PM #

      That’s what I’m getting you for your birthday! You weren’t supposed to read this….now you ruined the surprise!

  4. Jessie R. December 29, 2011 at 9:49 PM #

    I’m trying to place the candle holders…. I think they look like one of the deformed toys from Toy Story ?

    • chrisdevoss December 29, 2011 at 9:54 PM #

      More like Saw or House Of Wax. 😉

  5. Penny Houghton January 18, 2014 at 2:47 AM #

    Very funny post, loved some of your others too – I’ve been having a browse! Thanks for visiting my blog.

  6. Mara Fields January 6, 2015 at 11:46 PM #

    Chris, the way you describe her, I think I would really like your wife. I’m a mother of two, and we could chat about immature husbands, and birthing and boogie-feeding our infants over a cup of herbal tea.

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