Grumpy Uncle Harold ‘s The Twelve Days Of Christmas Dos

20 Dec

Dear True,

I just wanted to take the time to say, “Thank You,” for sending all those mostly useless gifts. I don’t know how much you know about me, but I am not really a bird person. Right now I have 6 Geese A Laying in my back yard, and the neighbors are starting to complain. It seems the over-sexed Geese “doing it” all the time is against the Home Owners Association.  Maybe next time you can send me 6 Geese A Sleeping…or here is a novel thought…no god damn Geese at all!

The seven swans a swimming was also a bad idea, or at least you could of held off on the seven inflatable pools they came in as well. By the way, Swans hate pears.

The 8 maids a milking has also caused quite a stir in the neighborhood. There is now cow crap everywhere and none of the maids speak English. Some of the maids have propositioned the neighbors in hopes of getting a green card. Old Man Krantz is seriously thinking about it.

The 9 ladies dancing have been trying to hook up with the 10 lords a leaping, but I seriously think those ladies are barking up the wrong tree. The lords seems more interested in each other if you know what I mean.

The 11 pipers pipping and the 12 drummers drumming would be a perfect gift for anyone who does not like good music or is tone deaf. All they do is play their instruments and loudly. I have had the cops called on me four times in the last four days due to noise levels. Also they only know one song, James Brown’s Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag, which used to be a decent song…until it was played over and over again by a band consisting of nothing but flutes and drums.

Next year consider sending me a XBox 360.


Harold De Voss

P.S. You will be hearing from my attorneys.

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