Those Stupid Lists

8 Dec

Recently I got hit with two of those: “Find out a little about me” lists. I usually don’t respond, but I was bored. (A hard thing to be in my house.

Here is the first one:

One. What is your middle name? Carlisle

Two. What are you passionate about? Boobs

Three. Zebra or leopard print? I prefer my boys to be huged by zebra print.

Four. Do you have any fears? Stupid lists

Five. Silver or gold? Platinum

Six. Top three places to visit. Your bedroom, Your Mom’s bedroom, Chicago

Seven. How many siblings do you have? 1 that lived

Eight. Where are you from? My Mom

Nine. First career you wanted as a child. Nipple Tweaker

Ten. What’s your sign? I prefer Yield because you don’t have to come to a complete stop.

Eleven. Future names of your children. ReallyAnotherOne DeVoss and TheVasectomyDidn’tWork De Voss 

Twelve. Do you have any pets? I have 4 children, yes.

Thirteen. What are you listening to right now? The keys of the computer as I touch them.

Fourteen. Do you believe in fate/destiny? Fate new how to work a stripper pole, but Destiny was topless too so what did it matter?

Fifteen. What are your career goals? Survive!

Sixteen. What is your favorite color? Green and Money Green

Seventeen. What is your favorite flower? $1.99 Rose

Eighteen. What was the first concert/show you attended? In kindergarten they made us watch a puppet show put on by the third grade. Awful! Storyline sucked!

Nineteen. Something you are working on right now. This dumb list. Hello? Haven’t you been paying attention?

Twenty. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Yes, I have been married twice.

Twenty-one. Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? That’s kind of personal. I can touch myself if I want…What? Ohhh…procrastinator…I don’t know…let me get back to you on this…

Twenty-two. Left or right handed? I use both hands for sex.

Twenty-three. TV Shows you watch regularly. Disney Channel. I have kids that monopolize the TV.

Twenty-four. Where do you work? For the man! Down with the 1%!

Twenty-five. Halloween costume idea for this year? Winnie The Pooh. Red shirt. No pants.

Twenty-six. What is your relationship status? Happily married. (Until she reads this!)

Twenty-seven. Last movie you just watched. 3/4 of Silence of the Lambs and 2/3 of Limitless

Twenty-eight. Your best friend’s name. Laura

Twenty-nine. A song that’s been stuck in your head. The Alphabet song. Since kindergarten and DUI stops.

Thirty. A book you want to read/have recently read. Facebook

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Then my friend Mr. O’Keefe sent me one:

If you’ve been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofyquestions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. Youhave to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because Iwant to know more about you – but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

Todo this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste theseinstructions in the body of the note, type your title as “Getting toknow each other!”, tag 25 people (tagging is done in the right handcorner of the app) then click publish.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

I’m up, that’s all that matters.

2. How do you like your steak?

Not in the heart, I’m part vampire.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

THE ANAL GIRLS OF TOBACCO ROAD 2 : VAGINA SLIMES

4. What is your favorite TV show?

The Walking Dead

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

Hawaii

6. What did you have for breakfast?

Pop Tart until some girl grabbed it and pretended it was a camera. (See my albums on Facebook if you don’t understand)

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Lean cuisine

8. What foods do you dislike?

Raw Tomatoes

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

Sweet Tomatoes (I know doesn’t make sense with number 8)

10. Favorite dressing?

Stove Top or overalls on a woman with no bra like in the Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ Come On Eileen Video

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

Time Machine

12. What are your favorite clothes?

None and not as in naked, but as in I don’t care

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

O’Keefe’s house and I would stay for an uncomfortably long time and I wouldn’t wear pants

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

Just 1/2. I would never say, “Oh look that cup is 1/2 empty,” or “Oh look that cup is 1/2 full.” Come to think of it, I would probably say, “Who left their drink here?”

15. Where would you want to retire?

In my bed.

16. Favorite time of day?

They are all good as long as I’m breathing.

17. Where were you born?

Columbus, OH.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

None, unless oil wrestling is considered a sport

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?

Anyone not playing tag.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?

The bastard I just tagged. I call no tag backs.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to thiis?

Mine. I never know what I’m going to write.

22. Bird watcher?

I don’t like to watch old ladies, unless they are eating, then it’s kind of funny.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?

I don’t like funerals, so I would say night person.

24. Do you have any pets?

Yes, four children, a dog, and salt water fish

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?

Yes, I forged a lottery ticket and they excepted it and gave me a million dollars. Stupid lotto people….

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

Big

27. What is your best childhood memory?

The time I got a Red Ryder BB gun and I shot my eye out. I actually didn’t have a childhood, I had to live through the TV.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?

Neither. I would be a dragon person if they exsisted.

29. Are you married?

Yes, five or six times. I lost track.

30. Always wear your seat belt?

Yes. State law.

31. Been in a car accident?

No, but I have accidently bought a car.

32. Any pet peeves?

No, but I had a pet finch once.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

Banana Peppers

34. Favorite Flower?

The squirting clown flower.

35. Favorite ice cream?

All of them, except spumoni.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick-fil-a

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

None. A bribe works wonders.

38. From whom did you get your last email?

The fine folks from the grow your penis bigger corporation.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

Target. Sigh.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

I combusted.

41. Like your job?

No!

42. Broccoli?

Squash?

43. What was your favorite vacation?

Disney Cruise (Your welcome for the plug Disney.)

44. Last person you went out with?

My wife and her friend and I couldn’t get them drunk enough for a threesome. I did make them laugh uncontrollably at the suggest. 

45. What are you listening to right now?

Spongebob Squarepants and a dumb arguement between the 13 year old and the 11 year old.

46. What is your favorite color?

Green.

47. How many tattoos do you have?

2

48. How manly are you for this quiz?

I’m too sexy for this quiz

 
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