Old Man Krantz’s Entry In The Zombie Journals

29 Nov

I don’t like zombies, not one bit.

You may find that funny.

You maybe saying to yourself, “Well who does, old man? Who does?”

Well, there are people who do. Plenty of people. Some people get ‘get off’ on killing zombies. Some people live to kill zombies. They don’t know what to do with themselves if there are no zombies to kill. A lot of them are  teenagers, and a lot of them are dead teenagers. Killing zombies isn’t always as easy as it looks. They are dodgier than a cat on a hot tin roof. Teenager’s think they know everything….till it gets them killed. Have you noticed lately that most zombies are teenagers? I bet you haven’t. Your generation doesn’t pay attention.

Some people benefited by being able to start a new life, with lots of anonymity to their previous life. Lots of shady people running around these days…murders, rapists, debt collectors…your not sure who is who anymore…unless you knew them from before. People are shacking up in any abandon building they find. You don’t know who they are! Even if they tell you, they could be lying. They will slit your throat just as much look at you.

Everyone is scared. Scared of zombies and scared of each other.

I don’t like all the nicknames the young people have come up with for the zombies either. Some call them ‘walkers’ after that TV show…can’t remember the name…some call them ‘grays’ after the color of their skin. Those are the two most popular, but I have also heard: Bobs, Draggers, Zoms, and 28s.

They are zombies, should be called zombies, and respected as zombies…and nothing else.

I don’t know why I’m writing this down, because none of you are going to listen anyway.

Case in point:

A few weeks back about 20-30 zombies were headed towards are barricades. Now the barricades are pretty strong, thanks to me, and my training in the army…but zombies aren’t like regular folks, they don’t ever give up. So they come lumbering along, run into the barricade and stop. They just stop and wait, and if you wait longer than they will, they will eventually turn around and go on their way. Well some teens decided that waiting wasn’t good enough, killing the zombies was a much better plan. Despite warnings from everyone, including me, they gathered some make-shift weapons and headed towards the barricade. Now the barricade is high, and you can get on top of it from our side. And that’s what the teens did. They got on top of the barricade looking down at the zombies. Well this stirred them up. Instead of doing that endless circle, groaning thing they do, now they were in a frenzy seeing fresh teen meat. They started beating on the barricade. The teens decided to throw their weapons down at the zombies, which were little more than shovels and garden hoes.

This did nothing.

Once the zombies realized the teens were weaponless, they started shaking the barricade even more. Zombies are smart when it comes to food. They don’t get it everyday and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it when they see it.

Well, this story isn’t going to be one of those a big shocker surprise ending kind of deals. The barricade is strong, I oversaw it myself, but 30 zombies who are hungry are stronger. First one teenager goes toppling of the top of the barricade into the zombie horde, then a second, then a third. The last two teenagers finally got some smarts in their head and jumped down to safety on our side. However one twisted his ankle so bad, he is going to be walking funny for about 4 weeks.

He is not zombie chow though.

The zombies are still circling the barricade, plus three new teenage zombies.

My name is Edward William Krantz. I am 68 years old. The teenagers call me, ‘Old Man Krantz’. The zombie teenagers call me ‘food’.

But in today’s world, regrettably….I will probably outlive most teenagers.

Stupid zombies.

Stupid Teenagers.


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