Shakespeare’s Thee Breakfast Club

14 Nov

When I was writing this post: Halloween Wishes 2011, I made a typo. I wrote Thee Breakfast Club instead of The Breakfast Club.

Well, that little mistake inspired me to translate The Breakfast Club into a Shakespearean play. Thanks to the power of the internet it sounds like it might be funny and easy right?

Not so much.

There are no Shakespeare online translators.

The reason there is no online Shakespeare translators is due to the fact, that believe it or not, Shakespeare is written in English.

Apparently the fine people at Google feel like it would be a waste of their time to make an English to English translator.

Weird huh?

What?

Not so much?

So instead I searched for Shakespearean dictionaries, but to cipher through all those words was way too much work…and I am a dumb guy.

Instead it would be easier to leave this post in the draft pile.

I don’t know why but suddenly I remembered a series of postings on Facebook by my brother where he took famous movie quotes, translated them through Google Translator in one language, then back to English with some funny results.

Inspiration.

At first I thought I could just translate it into Latin, then change a few words. Latin is an old language right?

The Breakfast Club translates to The Lorem ipsum dolor.

Oh yeah, not even close, what the hell was I thinking?

While racking my brain for a solution, I pretended to look thoughtfully out the window, which is a picturesque view of my Spanish neighbors backyard…

(Insert dramatic echo effect) Spanish….Spanish….Spanish….

“So?” You ask. “Are you going to translate The Breakfast Club into Spanish? Because I don’t think that would be very funny.”

I agree.

And no, sir I am not.

Spanish is different in how it words things. For example in English we would say: The blue hippo. In Spanish it would translate to: The hippo of blue.

What does a blue hippo have to do with Shakespeare?

Nothing.

Or does it?

Nope, it really doesn’t.

Anyway, my new theory is that if I translate it to Latin, which would change some of the modern English words into their older versions, then translate the Latin into Spanish, rearranging the sentence structure…it might be close to Shakespeare.

I think the results speak for themselves.

Some quotes from Thee Breakfast Club as if Shakespeare wrote them:

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?!

Do not you know Barry Manilow raid your clothes?

Sweets. You couldn’t ignore me if you tried. So… so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Dulce. I have been able to ignore the case. So. .. so. He, like basic boyfriend? Times of stability? Lovers? Come, Sports like me. The infusion of the things you want tomorrow?

What was that ruckus?

What ruckus?

I was in my office, and I heard a ruckus in here.

Could you describe the ruckus sir?

Why was that fuss?… What fuss …. I am in my office and heard a commotion have been able to master ….. Oh, Lord, to describe the noise?

 Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. And what we did was wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are…

D. Vernon S, who have taken all of sacrificing what was caught on a Saturday it would be sin. And he did evil. What can I tell you to write the essay or think that we imagine that…

Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you?

Stupid, worthless, no good goddamn, freeloading son of a dog. Behind in the mouth of the great wisdom of all, momentum idiot. You have forgotten the horrible laziness and contempt. Shut it. We piously give me a pot. No, Dad, what are you? Time. No, Dad, what are you?

And in conclusion in all Shakespeare (with Cliff Notes):

Home About Bender deception. So it is that you’re wrong.

(You’re not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.)

Eat we was.

(Eat my shorts.)

Who was it?

(What was that?)

Eat … We … Was.

(Eat… My… Shorts.)

I bought another one.

(You just bought yourself another Saturday.)

Ooh were crushed.

(Ooh, I’m crushed.)

This mass for whom.

(You just bought one more.)

Be on the images of the Saturday after. Beyond that I will be replaced.

(Well I’m free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I’m going to have to check my calendar.)

The cause of the good will be full. We move on. Want more? But only say the word to say. From Here to prison. Right?

(Good, cause it’s going to be filled. We’ll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you’ll come here. Are you through?)

N.

(No.)

Until that benefit society.

(I’m doing society a favor.)

So what?

 (So?)

 This right now! I have you in the rest of natural life is born without watch your step.Want more?

(That’s another one right now! I’ve got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don’t watch your step. You want another one?)

And scene. Standing ovation. Roses and women’s panties being thrown on stage. Curtain closes.

Advertisements

One Response to “Shakespeare’s Thee Breakfast Club”

  1. Luciano Delawder November 27, 2011 at 2:27 AM #

    great work, love your layout, suits the blog well 🙂

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: