Unpublished Files of Radio ZChoas #262

8 Nov

This transcript was taken from the files of the Radio Station ZChoas.

Your listening to Radio ZChoas!
It’s now 7:30 in the am, and I’m your host Derek Derek, bringing you  the latest zombie news.

Congratulations to Corporal Rick Helms for getting his 240th confirmed zombie kill for neighborhood sector 1-Niner-Tango, or Hunter’s Creek to you and me. Looks like the good folks still brave enough to live there can breath a little easier knowing that Rick Helms is on duty.

Whoops, sorry folks should have read the rest of the story before I opened my mouth. Apparently the citizen’s of sector 1-Niner-Tango, or Hunter’s Creek, still need to be on guard. Corporal Helms was bit on his last assignment. Corporal Helms is currently being held at the Orlando Zombie Center For Disease Control for questioning and study. If any of Corporal Helms’ family or friends are looking for him, you may contact the center by phone only. Do not go to the center directly for the fine folks at the OZCDC have orders to shoot to kill. They will definitively shoot first, and ask questions later. The guys are a little on edge.

And remember it’s mandatory for soldiers who have been bit to be placed under lock and key, and studied like a lab rat. Ha, ha…not quite. Just trying to lighten the mood a little. Hopefully the OZCDC will be able to come up with a cure soon, partly due to courageous young men like Corporal Helms turning into contagious young zombies. Keep him in your prayers.

In the weather…well folks it’s Central Florida, which means it will be mostly sunny with patches of gun smoke through out the afternoon, especially if you are in the downtown area. Downtown Orlando is scheduled for a zombie sweep starting at 3 pm. Folks, you may want to avoid this area, especially if your a zombie. Ha, ha…little joke there folks. If your a zombie, you definitively want to be into Downtown Orlando come three o’clock.

In sports, well right now we have no sports thanks to those wonderful zombies eating everyone on our beloved basketball team. Orlando Magic, we do miss you dearly.

In national news, the President and the Vice President will be holding a press conference at 8 am, in a secret location. Main topics will be Dr Sparkling’s new research on harvesting zombie organs as a possible future food source, as well as tackling the farmer’s plight to plant and harvest crops without the fear of being eaten by zombies. If you ask me, it will be about nothing but nonsense and empty promises. I personally will not be eating any zombie organs no matter how appetizing they may get them to look. Frozen zombie intestine on a stick anyone?

In local news, the annual Strawberry Festival has been canceled as well as any other festival due to obvious reasons, with the exception of the Beer, Booze, and Wine Festival to be held a top of the Bank of America building. Access will only be available to those that can scale the outside of the building. Ropes and pulleys will be provided with paid admission.

If anyone is interested, this Saturday the Home Depot will be giving special seminars on barricading. Barricading what you may ask…well the fine folks at Home Depot respond with, ANYTHING! Barricade your house, barricade your car, even barricade your dog’s house. Learn all about barricading, the history of barricading, and practical barricading for a family on a budget. Best part…it’s free! This Saturday, Home Depot, 12 to 2.

Check back every half hour for the latest in Zombie News around your neighborhood and the world.

I’m Derek Derek, and we will have more news at the top of the hour. Right now enjoy a marathon of Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam.

%d bloggers like this: