Super Hero Facebook Post

26 Oct

Warning: Vulgar and crude humor ahead…

Black Soda: I will now call to order the National Super Hero Alliance Friendship League Of Justice And Merchandise Opportunities League Incorporated. First, roll call:

Black Soda: Black Jack you did not have to say your name twice.

Black Jack: I didn’t, that was just bad photoshop cropping on your part.

Black Soda: Oh…ok then.  White Salt Shaker can you read back the minutes of the last meeting please.

White Salt Shaker: I actually can not.

Black Soda: Ok…why?

White Salt Shaker: Blue Mouse nibbled them to shreds.

Blue Mouse: Can’t help it. That’s my super power…it’s my super nibble power.

White Salt Shaker: Then why don’t you super nibble something off the buffet? That’s what it’s there for!

Blue Mouse: Don’t like anything on the buffet. There is never any cheese, and White Trash Can is always throwing everything away before everyone is done. Can’t we get some cheese for the buffet please!

Black Soda: Fine. Motion for cheese on the buffet. All in favor?

Almost Everyone: Aye

Black Jack: Nay

Black Soda: The Ayes have it. Black Jack why did you say Nay?

Black Jack: Cheese makes me gassy, but I love cheese. If I see it, I will eat it.

Black Soda: Ok then…just something your going to have to deal with on your own, or with your psychologist…

White Wall: Or with your gastrologist…

Black Soda: (pounding a gavel) White Salt Shaker what is on the notes for today?

White Salt Shaker: First order of business….the city wants to disband the super group of Red Nightstand, Cream Barstool, Blue Pillowcase, and White Table. They say you leave a huge mess when ever you stop/help/fix whatever evil your called to stop/help/fix.

Red Nightstand: Not true!

Cream Barstool: Well…partly true.

White Table: Sometimes it can’t be helped.

Blue Pillowcase: (yawn)

Black Soda: Well, we are going to have to think of something. We can’t have the city disbanding you guys. You work well together. Any thoughts?

Blue Pillow: (yawns) Why don’t you add White Trash Can to the team. She can clean whatever mess is made by the others.

White Trash Can: I am nobody’s maid! They can clean their own mess!

Black Soda: What if we double your pay?

White Trash Can: I’m your maid.

Black Soda: All in favor?

Almost Everyone: Aye

Black Jack: Nay

Black Soda: The Ayes have it. Black Jack why did you say Nay?

Black Jack: Because White Trash Can and I have a baby swap every Thursday and Friday. I’m not sure I can find a replacement.

Black Soda: We will figure something out. White Salt Shaker, what is the next order of business?

White Salt Shaker: Um…the next order of business….is a little sensitive. Um…the city would like White Hot Pussy to change his super hero name and his especially his logo….

White Hot Pussy: What?! That is outrageous!

Everyone: (super hero murmuring)

Black Soda: (banging a gavel) Quiet, please…order…quiet.

Everyone: (super hero murmuring dies down)

White Salt Shaker: Um…the city would like you to change your name to Eggshell White Paula.

White Hot Pussy: What?! What does that even mean?

Everyone: (more super hero murmuring)

Black Soda: Quiet! White Hot Pussy it has been hard to market you with that super hero name, and your logo of a cat lying spread eagle wearing a bondage outfit was deemed too indecent to licence to T-Shirt and redneck ball cap manufactures…hell, you can’t say or print your name in any media outlet, like TV, Radio, or Newspaper….so maybe Eggshell White Paula isn’t a bad choice.

White Hot Pussy: Eggshell White Paula? What the hell kind of super hero name is that?

White Wall: I like it!

White Hot Pussy: You would, you like everything.

White Wall: Not true. I don’t like rainy Saturdays.

Black Soda: Focus people! Focus! Bottom line is… White Hot Pussy…your not bringing in any revenue.You would think this town would be all over you, but they are not, they are avoiding you like a STD.

White Wall: They kind of find you dry and smelly…and a little too hairy…it’s 2011…try shaving. You could get away with that in the 70’s…not today.

White Hot Pussy: What are you talking about?

Grey Ipod: Can I just say something here…a little something about freedom of speech…what are forefathers died for…what makes this country great….If people don’t like White Hot Pussy…if people don’t understand White Hot Pussy…if people want to laugh at White Hot Pussy…or lick White Hot Pussy when he is down…or screw White Hot Pussy because he is available…and he is, a very available super hero…then I say, White Hot Pussy…you…stay true to what you are! Don’t let this city call you a slut…

White Hot Pussy: The city has never called me a slut.

Grey Ipod: Don’t let this city call you a whore or used white trash every man, woman, and dog has slept with…

White Hot Pussy: Slept with? What are you talking about? What is wrong with you?

Grey Ipod: You keep being White Hot Pussy! And you keep being the best White Hot Pussy there ever was! When people look at you, they will say that was the best White Hot Pussy I ever laid eyes on! They will say, White Hot Pussy for everyone who loves America!

White Hot Pussy: I kind of like Eggshell White Paula…

Black Soda: All in favor?

Everyone: Aye.


2 Responses to “Super Hero Facebook Post”

  1. Jenn November 1, 2011 at 10:42 PM #

    Bravo. A-mazing.

    • chrisdevoss November 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM #

      I think you just like that I said White Hot Pussy over and over. 😉

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