Boom! Dead!

18 Oct

This is a transcript of a recording found at Jonathon Barnes Emergency Contact Station in Orlando, Florida. Ground zero of the Zombie Outbreak.

“Hello….Hello? Anyone on the other end? Hello”

*Silence

“Hello? This is Jennifer Barronfield….trying to reach anyone. This is an emergency! Please anyone!”

*Silence

“Please send help to 118342 Mississippi Woods. There are 2 strange men pounding at the door…most likely zombies…they have been pounding all night. I am alone and scared. Please somebody answer me!”

*Pause

“I am the sole survivor of my neighborhood. I am sure of it….My Mom…Boom! Dead! My Dad…Boom! Dead!…all the neighbors….Boom! Dead! Please somebody answer. This is an emergency! Two zombies are at my door…pounding on it….help I am all alone. I need help!”

*Silence for about 15 minutes

“Hello? This is Jennifer Barronfield again…I hear more zombies outside the house. I think they can hear me…or smell me…or something…I think I hear about five zombies banging on the doors and windows. All the doors and windows are  boarded over, but I don’t know how long they will hold…please send help! I am all alone….my brother….Boom! Dead! Grandpa….Boom! Dead! Help me!”

*Sobbing and pounding is heard on the transmission for approximately the next 3 minutes.

*Only pounding is heard for approximately the next 5 minutes.

“I am leaving this on in case someone picks up my call. My name is Jennifer. I am all alone. I think about 10 zombies are outside my house now. They seem to be growing in number. It’s like whatever zombies are in the area, they know I’m in this house. I’m a zombie magnet. Ha! I had to re-enforce the door…they almost got in! Please send help!”

*Sobbing for about a minute  

“WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE CARE?!”

*Silence. Pounding can be heard. It gets lounder.

“I think about 30 zombies are out there now…I don’t think I should have screamed. I don’t understand an Emergency Service that just picks up, but no one talks. I’m scared. Boom! Everyone is dead! Should I run? The door is not going to hold much longer…where are you people? Who are you people? Why would you help me?”

*Sobbing. Loud cracking noises.

“I hate you people! Boom! I’m Dead!”

*Screaming. Sounds of a door coming apart. More screaming. Groans.

*Eating

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3 Responses to “Boom! Dead!”

  1. BrainRants October 18, 2011 at 10:08 PM #

    In response to your tweet, yes, you can in fact rearm a grenade provided you have retained all the little parts that tend to fly off if not controlled, most importantly the pin, which if carefully threaded back through the matching spoon and detonator cap holes, and then re-bent, will keep you from being “boom. dead.”

    • chrisdevoss October 18, 2011 at 10:43 PM #

      Thanks. I knew someone would give me a hand, or keep me from losing a hand. For those reading this at a later date, the tweet was:

      @chrisdevoss:
      If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go?

      I’m going to need a quick answer for this….
      Shared via TweetCaster

  2. Gabrielle October 19, 2011 at 11:25 PM #

    Its great as your other articles :D, thank you for posting.

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