Mrs. Judy Frecknoids 2nd Grade Class

4 Oct

Dr. Richard Sparkling of the Sparkling Institute for Zombie Studies and Gift Shop recently went to Norman Bates Elementry School in Orlando, Florida to answer Mrs. Judy Frecknoids 2nd grade classes’ questions on the zombie apocalypse.

Question 1: Why are some zombies fast and some zombies slow?

Sparkling: That depends on a number of factors…such as decomposition rate, weather, rigamortis biometric rate, and overall health of the zombie.

Question 2: I don’t know what you said. Was that english?

Mrs. Frecknoid: Dr. let’s try to keep it simple for the children.

Sparkling: Oh, sure. No problem. Um…number of legs, and age of the zombie.

Question 3: Do zombies like M & Ms?

Sparkling: No, zombies like human flesh particularly brain matter, but really any part of a human being will do.

Question 4: What is human fresh? And brain matters?

Frecknoid: Um, let’s skip the details on that. How about the best way to hide from a zombie Dr.?

Sparkling: I would not recommend hiding. Children never try to hide. Always, always run. Zombies can sniff you out and then eat you up.

At this point some of the children start to cry.

Frecknoid: Um, this isn’t going so well. Children why don’t we show Dr. Sparkling the pictures we drew of our family zombie escape plans.

The children show the doctor several pictures including these:

What the hell is this? asked the Dr.

The good Dr. was quick to point out that this was Frankenstein and not a zombie and Frankenstein is not real.

The Dr thought this was a horrible zombie escape plan.

Frecknoid: Any last thoughts Dr.? And remember these are children.

Sparkling: Yes, remember to run, not hide and zombies don’t eat M & Ms, they eat you.

Frecknoid: Children, remember to take these free psychological visit vouchers to your parents, good for three visits per family curisity of the school. And I will probably be replaced as your teacher starting Monday.


16 Responses to “Mrs. Judy Frecknoids 2nd Grade Class”

  1. beebeesworld April 28, 2013 at 7:08 PM #

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  2. The Vanilla Housewife April 29, 2013 at 4:32 AM #

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Crazy stuff you have here, count me in your number of followers 🙂

    • Christopher De Voss April 29, 2013 at 6:34 AM #

      Thank you. I like Vanilla. And Housewives…oh, that came out creepy. Anyway, following back. 🙂

  3. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher April 29, 2013 at 9:55 AM #

    We need more zombie advice from experts – thank you for your tips & brain matter –

  4. tarnishedsophia May 13, 2013 at 4:48 PM #

    I work in a comic/gaming store…human “fresh” sounds like a welcome change of pace. How would one procure such a thing?

    • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 4:53 PM #

      You need an 8 year old missing his front teeth and a zombie. Mix well, serve chilled.

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