Randoms: All Toddler Edition

27 Sep

“I don’t like the new bus at school. They want to take your blood and give it to doctors.”

–Toddler on the Blood Mobile at her school


“If you take a dead bird and throw it in the grass, it will catch on fire.”

—Just a random thought from Toddler while in the car. Kind of scary. What are they teaching these kids in VPK? (See, when ever you child does something creepy, blame it on the school system. It takes the responsibility of parenting off your shoulders.)


Quick set-up: The Toddler received a Hello Kitty WII game for her birthday. She will play it about 2 to 3 minutes at a time before becoming bored.

Toddler: I want to play my Hello Kitty Game.

Me: I don’t feel like setting it up for 3 seconds of play.

Toddler: Please Daddy. I will play for more than 3 seconds.

Me: No. Daddy’s working on something I’m not stopping, setting up your game, only to have you quit playing and asking to do something else after only 3 seconds of playing it.

Toddler: I won’t play for 3 seconds. I’ll play. Please!

Me (grumbling): Ok.

So I get up from my task at hand, go upstairs, find the game, put it in the WII, turn on the TV, put the TV on the right input channel, adjust the sound, wait for the game to load, click through the start menu, drop the remote, pick it back up, put the batteries that had fallen out back in, put the cover back on, adjust the little sensor bar thingy at the TV, re-sync the remote to the WII, click through the credits on the game, and press start.

Me (while handing the remote to the Toddler): Here you go. Have fun.

I go into the bedroom and gather some laundry. It takes all of about a minute and a half. I came into the game room to find the TV off.

Me (super frustrated): Toddler! Where are you? Why aren’t you playing your game? I’m taking it back to the store! You must hate this game!

Toddler (starts crying): I do like the game! Don’t take it back! I do like the game!

Me (exasperated): But you only played it for 3 seconds! How can you like a game you only play for 3 seconds!

Toddler (even more tears): I do like the game! I played for 15 seconds Daddy! I played for 15 seconds!


Now, thanks to the Toddler, I have learned that feathers and dark clothes in the washing machine do not mix. If you walk into my laundry room you will swear an ostrich exploded in there….


On one of the Toddler’s videos there is a trailer for one of the Harry Potter movies. I don’t know which one, I have never paid attention. Now the Toddler is fascinated with Harry Potter. I actually don’t think she would ever sit through a Harry Potter movie, and at some point in any Harry Potter movie something would scary her, but she thinks Harry Potter is cool.

In the car she is always asking to play Harry Potter music. I don’t have Harry Potter music, nor am I sure what Harry Potter music is, but I always inform her that I don’t know what she is talking about. Expect one day while trying to figure out what to listen to on my Google Music, I landed on  Pink Floyd’s A Momentary Lapse Of Reason. For your Floyd purest, I know this one doesn’t have Roger Waters on it, but he apparently was busy making the crappy album Radio K.A.O.S at the time.

The Toddler goes crazy.

“Daddy, you do have Harry Potter music! You do know what I am talking about!”

And she proceeds to dance in her car seat to Pink Floyd…or in her mind Harry Potter.

I know I just gave a million stoners mini heart attacks with that last sentence.

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