Your Mom

22 Sep

Lately I have come into a very bad habit of when someone asks me a question, I respond with:

“Your Mom. ”

For example:

Random Guy: “Hey, do you know who won last nights game?”

Me: “Your Mom.”

I don’t why, but this makes me chuckle every time. It was getting so bad, I now just respond ‘Your Mom’ secretly inside my head so as not piss anyone off. Some people get so offended. I’m not really trying to insult your Mom, it just sounds funny. Nothing else quite works the same :

“Hey, who won the game?”
“Your Dad.”

See….not as funny.

“Hey, who won the game?”
“Your Aunt.”

Nope, not as funny.

“Hey, who won the game?”
“Your Grandma.”

Ok, that one is a little bit funny.

I got in trouble with it a few times. It’s not so funny to the guy who just came back from Poland after he buried his Mom, and you kinda, sorta forgot that…

Oops.

I have to also be careful not to say to any of my children either. The three oldest are from a previous marriage and the Toddler will take everything too literal.

Toddler: “Who is Barney the Dinosaur’s best friend? ”

Me: “Your Mom.”

Toddler: “Yeaaaaaaaa!”

Then she starts clapping and cheering and singing about Mommy and Barney being best friends.

Teenager: “Dad, who invented the cotton gin? I need to know for this paper… ”

Me: “Your Mom.”

Teenager: “I’m telling Mom, unless you give me 10 dollars.”

To me, it’s funny.

I generally don’t know why your asking me your question anyway. I know nothing, yet for some reason people think that I know everything.

“Who won American Idol last year?”
“Your Mom.”

“Who sang that song, you know, it goes bum bum da da bum?”
“Oh, yeah…ummmm….Your Mom.”

“What time is the game on tonight?”
“I don’t know…but your Mom does…”

“Who is that hot chick?”
“Your Mom.”

That one may get you punched.

Side note one: I wrote this on my Galaxy Tablet. The keyboard I use is an app called Swift X. It not only predicts what word you want to type, it’s scary accurate in doing so. The more you use it, the more it understands how you write and maybe even who you are as a person….your hopes, your dreams, your ambitions…ok, that maybe a little much, but it’s damn accurate. Pretty much it gets to the point where you don’t have to type any words, you just pick from three choices listed for you, and 9 times out of 10, the word you need is listed. Cool and scary at the same time.

Side note two: Now every time I write or choose the word: ‘Your’ the next word predicted will be ‘Mom’. I’m laughing every time I text something and every one around me is looking at me stranger than usual.

Side note three: The word chick is slang. You have to teach the keyboard slang, so the keyboard wanted me to change the word: chick to chicken really, really, really, REALLY, badly. Enough so, that it did it for me, until I inputed the word ‘chick’ into it’s data banks.

So that last sentence:

“Who is that hot chick?”

The keyboard wanted it to say:

“Who is that hot chicken?”

Wait for it…..scroll down….

 

 

 

 

 

 

….Your Mom!

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2 Responses to “Your Mom”

  1. Christine Smith-Johnson January 22, 2012 at 9:58 PM #

    lol I agree, it is fun. I do it to my kids. They ask me something or tell me something, and I say your mom. It aggravates them but we all end up laughing. Then they start asking things that will put me down if I answer the same way, but I still amuse them and give them the same answer.

    Life is supposed to be fun, right?

    Cute post. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • chrisdevoss January 22, 2012 at 10:22 PM #

      Yes life should be fun. I don’t care if I’m the only one laughing either. Thanks for the read. I look forward to checking out your blog.

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