The Ginseng Sneeze

10 Aug

I am big fan of holistic medicine, but mind you I am not a nut job about it.  I don’t think that if your arm falls off, rubbing some fern leafs on it will make it grow back. I do think that most of the herbs and minerals you see in the grocery store do what they claim too, but they don’t do it quickly.

That’s the problem for most people. They want that instant relief.

The stuff works if you let it. For example :

About two years ago I got a pinched nerve in my back. I couldn’t even stand up straight. If I was able to stand, I looked like a human version of that old magic trick where they put an assistant in a segmented box, and then the magician would divide it by inserting big floppy cookie sheets looking things into it. You know the trick, the magician’s assistant would stick a hand out of the top of it, and a foot out of the bottom. Then the assistant would wiggle said appendages to show that they were real and still working. The magician would separate the box where the cookie sheets were, and the assistant would wiggle their severed body parts even harder to show that…oh my gosh…we are severed but still alive! Then the magician would put the box back together again, and the assistant was also back together again. Ta-Da!

It was a long way to go, but when I stood up, the top half of my body looked like that magic trick.

It was an even longer way to explain that after two years of taking glucosamine, my back is fixed, but it wasn’t as fast as going to a chiropractor. (Although a hell of a lot cheaper, and less scary)

So this morning I had to be at work super early. Not a shift I normally work. I am tired. I am stumbling around the house at 6 am trying not to wake anyone up but the dog, because I hate the dog. There are two pills I try to take every day; glucosamine and ginseng. The glucosamine is for my back as explained in the rather long winded explanation above, and the ginseng has a variety of benefits including natural energy. I put the ginseng tablet between my lips as I bumble through the kitchen in search of a cup with which to fill with water.

I suddenly sneezed.

I know what you think I’m going to tell you next, you think I am going to tell you it shot from my mouth, flew across the room, bounced off the fish tank, and was gulped down by the damn dog.

Wrong. My lips are strong.

Instead I covered my lips and my ginsing pill with snot.

Then I fed it to the dog and got another one.


One Response to “The Ginseng Sneeze”

  1. graysonjack August 11, 2011 at 2:37 PM #

    Haha…I actually laughed out loud. My boss thinks I’m laughing at him. Anyway, great post.

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