Tow Truck Dreams

15 Jul

Saw a tow truck broken down on the side of the road. Not that it couldn’t happen, but not something you see everyday. So I chuckled a little bit because you know, tow truck companies are crooks…and then I turned around.

I pulled up to the driver and said, “Did you call a tow truck?”

“Yeah,” he said rather suspicious. I think he was waiting for me to make a joke. “Someone from the garage is comin’.”

“Here I am, ” I said and smiled.

“Your kidding….Who are you?”

“The new guy,” I said. Saying your the new guy always works on TV.

“What are you going to pull the truck with?” he asks. I was driving a Mazda 5.

I pulled in front of the tow truck, got out, and started rummaging through the truck. The tow truck driver just stared at me. I found those bungee things with the two plastic hooks on the end that everyone buys, but rarely you have a use for them. You see them on the shelf, and they are cheap, so you say to yourself, ‘I should buy those. I don’t have any immediate use for them, nor do I even know what to do with them, but I must buy them.’ The bungee cord companies put Harry Potter like spells on the packaging to help their sales.

I like the fact that they come in 4 or 5 different sizes, like the manufacture has thought of all these different uses you need them for, and better yet, determined the sizes you need for various said uses, and even better yet, put them all together in one convenient package.

I started hooking the bungees on my lower back bumper, and then stretched them out to the tow truck and hooked them on it’s grill. The tow truck driver just stared at me.

“Do you need a ride?” I asked. “But just so you know the windows don’t roll down, there is no AC, and the radio doesn’t work.”

The tow truck driver just stared at me. “Suit yourself, ” I said.

Here is where I was about to have my fun:

“By the way, I can tow this for 10 miles at 50 dollars a mile, for every mile after that it’s 75 dollars. You will have to pick it up at the impound lot which will cost you 200 dollars, and about 7 hours of your time as I will pretend to lose your keys, and then pretend to look for them. Once you have your vehicle back, expect your glove box to be gone through, any loose change missing, as well as your radio, your floor mats soiled with some unknown substance that you might mistake for dog poo, your back seat ripped, and your inside front windshield to look like it’s been licked by a hundred rabid cats. All of this I will claim as ‘That’s the way I got’ condition. I will also shrug my shoulders and show you my butt crack.”

The tow truck driver just looked at me even harder.

I saw another tow truck approaching so I got in my car and drove off hearing the bungee cords snap off the vehicles, fly in the air, and land like road kill snakes in the middle of the road.

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