Yay! Sports!

13 Dec

I’m not a sports guy.

I think I finally want to be, it seems fun.

I like the fact that you get to use the terms “we”, “our”, and “us” when referring to “your” team without actually being a paid member of the team.

That’s really cool.

“How did your team do this weekend?”

We did great. You know we are really looking  good this year. Our running/kicking/goalie/batter leads the league in runs/kicks/bleeding so far!”

“I know! We really wish we had him on our team!”

You don’t do that with anything else on the planet.

Our Coke-a-Cola tastes so good! How’s your brand?”

We are also refreshing! Go Pepsi!”

I want to be part of the comradery that happens every Sunday in American homes. I want to wear someone else’s name on my back with some random number underneath of it. Except I would probably pick the worst member of the team just to be difficult.

“Hey, De Voss…who’s that on your back? Sticklockski? Number 109? Whaaaaaaat?”

“Really?! You have never heard of Sticklockski? C’mon! Sticklockski! 420 career bench warms! 16 stubbed toes in a single season? And you call yourself a sports fan!”

I think really, really, really fat guys in NFL jerseys are hilarious:

Are you ready for some football?! Or meatloaf?!

Are you ready for some football?! Or chicken wings?!

I think women in NFL jerseys are hilarious too:

Ha ha ha...so....funny...is it hot in here?

Ha ha ha…so….funny…Man, is it suddenly warm in here?

I’m just glad dressing like your favorite sumo wrestler isn’t big here:

FYI: He has a Grimace tramp stamp.

FYI: He has a Big Mac tramp stamp over his ass.

starting a new trend

Starting a new trend

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36 Responses to “Yay! Sports!”

  1. gingerfightback December 13, 2013 at 11:21 AM #

    Sicklock thingamajig – one of the greats in my opinion

  2. Stratafied December 13, 2013 at 11:48 AM #

    I have been pretending to be good at Sports-things for the last 10 years of my life. I am an enormous liar, and people find out about it when I boast about “our team winning the best basket” in reference to a football game.

    _Apparently_ that’s not a thing.

    This post makes me happy. 10 points!

  3. The Bumble Files December 13, 2013 at 12:43 PM #

    I have a jersey and I never wear it! I won it in a bet, but it was for a team I hardly like. I guess I can say at least I own one. You can have it you like! You’re very right about this “our” and “we” phenomenon. You don’t see it anywhere else!

    • Christopher De Voss December 13, 2013 at 3:50 PM #

      So true. I don’t own a jersey at all! You’re one up on me. Maybe we can hold a contest for it.

  4. Bumba December 13, 2013 at 1:18 PM #

    Someone said (I think it was either Marcel Proust or the Marquis De Sade) that sports fans use WE when the team wins and THEY when they lose. However, I noticed myself saying “WE’RE losing” in reference to my beloved L.A. Clippers. As for all the other teams THEY can go Eff themselves.

    • Christopher De Voss December 13, 2013 at 3:51 PM #

      Gotcha! Go Clippers! Would be a good name for a barber shop quartet as well.

  5. 1jaded1 December 13, 2013 at 2:09 PM #

    I love my sports teams and am guilty of using we and they, while being well aware that my only role is fandom. Without fans, owners would have no incentive to pay players the big commas.

  6. Southern Sea Muse December 13, 2013 at 8:46 PM #

    Nice sumo outfit you got there with that other guy – didn’t know they had sumo teams! Cool!

    • Christopher De Voss December 13, 2013 at 9:37 PM #

      Thanks! It’s a little drafty in the back.

      • Southern Sea Muse December 13, 2013 at 9:39 PM #

        Might have thought the extra padding could insulate you better, but those flaps are like car wash thingies – don’t those slap you around a bit?

      • Christopher De Voss December 13, 2013 at 9:40 PM #

        A bit. (but I secretly like it. Shhh.)

  7. ksbeth December 14, 2013 at 5:54 AM #

    good call

  8. Blogdramedy December 14, 2013 at 10:30 AM #

    I like sports because I get to use a whistle.

  9. rayworth1973 December 14, 2013 at 11:51 AM #

    I fucking hate sports. My wife is into football and NASCAR. I say “touchdown Dallas” no matter who gets a touchdown. Drives her crazy. Since we live five miles from the track, we go to the NASCAR event every year when they are in town. I sit there with my ear plugs and take a nap. I’m just the driver to the track. I’d rather be home with the daughter watching the house, but NOOO, I have to drive the wife to the track!

    Oh well… she puts up with my star parties with the telescope. I suppose each of us have our watching paint dry moments.

  10. silkpurseproductions December 14, 2013 at 12:22 PM #

    I’m pretty sure I saw that sumo wrestling dude at the stadium with his face and chest/stomach painted with his team colours.

  11. whiteladyinthehood December 15, 2013 at 9:38 AM #

    Don’t forget – if you become a sports fan – you get to watch them on tv while consuming large quantities of beer and hot wings! That’s something, right?

  12. Sandee December 15, 2013 at 11:43 PM #

    Interesting — I would sooo have you as a sports guy!

    • Christopher De Voss December 16, 2013 at 12:02 AM #

      Really?

      • Sandee December 16, 2013 at 6:55 PM #

        I KNOW this is going to sound sexist but you just seem like such a guy’s guy — in the best way, of course.

      • Christopher De Voss December 16, 2013 at 7:10 PM #

        Of course! :)

  13. Ned's Blog December 16, 2013 at 1:03 AM #

    What exactly is that sumo wrestler doing? It looks like he is getting up from using the commode. Is that a sport? I guess it depends on what you ate…

    • Christopher De Voss December 16, 2013 at 6:44 AM #

      Taco Bell

      • Ned's Blog December 16, 2013 at 9:34 AM #

        Yeah, that does it for me, too. There’s a reason the slogan is “Make a run for the boarder…”

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