I was super excited to be invited to the Press Screening of the movie: Gravity. This wasn’t opening night, mind you, this was a limited screening that the movie reviewers, radio personalities, social media gurus, and local celebrities get to go too.
I really haven’t reached any of those statuses yet, I just think someone canceled and a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend recommended me, right after Appliance Direct Infomercial Guy turned them down.
White Porcelain! White Porcelain! I am now a member of the cult White Porcelain!
Regardless, I was honored to be included. My name was even on a list. I was supposed to go up to the Clipboard Guy and tell him my name (if he didn’t already recognize me) and he was supposed to say,
“Hello, Mr. De Voss, Mrs. De Voss…so glad you could join us for George Clooney’s new movie. I’m sure George is very anxious to hear what you think. He has been texting me to see if you have arrived yet. I’ll let him know you are here.”
And I would say,
“Thank you my good man….(Super Famous People and/or Super Rich People and/or Characters From Boardwalk Empire say this to strangers) …be sure to let George know I’m here and that you can start the film now. By the way, is the popcorn free too?”
None of that happened, because of course…I read the email wrong.
Yup. I’m an idiot.
In the body of the email it said to be there on Sept 29th at 7:30 in order to check in with the Clipboard Guy…but I didn’t pay attention to that. I paid attention to the graphic at the top of the email instead:
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, needless to say….I missed the special Press Only screening. Instead of watching the movie that night I was probably eating Tacos in my underwear and screaming at the 7 year old to stop playing Sinking Submarine.*
One of the stipulations of myself and a guest being invited to the advanced screening was that I was supposed to tweet my thoughts about the movie. I got an email from Klout, who setup the whole thing, saying,
“Um, hey…yeah…hate to bug you and all…but remember that super cool press screening we got you into…you know the free one where you can rub elbows with local celebrities and media people…you know the exclusive one…where all you had to do was talk about it on Twitter…yeah…just wondering if you might find the time to…you know…do that!”
Whaaat?! I said in my mind. That was supposed to be on the 4th, how could I tweet about something I haven’t seen yet?! I may take free stuff from strangers on Twitter in exchange for them reaching a bigger audience, but I’ll be damned if I am giving a pre-determined five star rating to a movie that I haven’t seen yet!
I double checked the email where I realized my mistake.
Damn, I was super disappointed! I missed my free movie. I missed rubbing shoulders with the pregnant Channel 6 News Lady. I missed yelling at the Candy Counter Teen for my free popcorn.
I also missed my obligation to tweet the movie…which means I will probably miss future opportunities for free movies.
So I quickly sent these tweets:
Almost immediately after sending these tweets off, I get a call from George Clooney himself:
George: Chris! How’s it going?
Chris: George Clooney?! Wow! Awesome. How did you get my number?
George: Don’t worry about that. Hey, I just saw your tweets about my new movie; Gravity…opening Oct 4th everywhere. Thank you for the nice tweets. I’m glad you liked it.
Chris: Um, it was really good, I…uh…really…uh…liked it…a lot.
George: Really? What was your favorite scene?
Chris: My favorite scene?
George: Yes, Chris. What was your favorite scene?
Chris: Oh…uh…the part where you guys where in space…yeah…
George: The whole freaking movie takes place in space. Can you be more specific?
Chris: Yes! Yes of course! Um, I like the part…um…where one of you guys was stuck to the arm of the Space Shuttle thingy, and it..uh…broke and then you floated off into space…super scary!
George: You mean the part from the trailer?!
Chris: Hahaha! That was in the trailer?! I didn’t know that…
George: You didn’t see the movie did you?
Chris: Hey, have I ever mentioned how good you where in O Brother Where Art Thou?
George: Did you?
Chris: No. I wanted to so bad, but I got the dates wrong.
George: I know. I didn’t see you at the after party, so I was wondering why you would skip that…and it occurred to me that you didn’t go to my movie and then tweet-lied about it.
Chris: Well, yes George, but I wanted to go! I did! I was worried about not being invited to another one, so I did tweet-lie…I did!
George: You owe me an apology!
Chris: For? I gave it a good review!
George: You missed my movie and then tweet-lied about it!
Chris: Really? Are you serious George?
George: I am serious!
Chris: Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry I missed your movie and then tweet-lied about it.
George: Thank you.
Chris: And I’m sorry you had to date the lesbian on The Facts of Life TV show.
George: That’s enough…
Chris: And I’m sorry ER went on for 10 years successfully after you left…
George: You are on thin ice…
Chris: And I’m sorry Oceans 12…
George: You better not finish that sentence!
Chris: You are probably right. Sorry George.
*If you don’t already know, the game Sinking Submarine is a game where you stop up the bathtub and turn on the shower, thus allowing the tub to slowly fill with water, kind of like a submarine that has been hit by a torpedo in an old 70′s war movie.